Anton Chekhov//The Kiss: Low Self Esteem and Social Anxiety

The realization that he was shy, round-shouldered, quite undistinguished, that he had a long waist, lynx- like side whiskers, hurt him deeply.

According to Nathaniel Branden, 'to trust one's mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self esteem' (The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, p. 4). In Anton Chekhov's short story The Kiss the protagonist suffers from low self -esteem which eventually destroys his chances of ever grasping happiness. The story takes places in a tea party hosted by a General for the officers, to which Ryabovich, the protagonist, goes among with his fellow peers. The plot is focused on Ryabovich's first encounter with a woman as it takes place in a room of the big hosting house. This strange stumbling of strangers unfolds the protagonist's inner insecurities and self defeating mechanisms. In a word, there is a link between low self esteem and social anxiety and this relationship is disclosed in Chekhov's protagonist. First of all, the officer is struggling with social anxiety and this is obvious from his entry into the ball room. Specifically, as the party arrive at the house of the General, Ryabovich is seized by a fist of anxiety-

When he first entered the dinning-room and sat down to team he found it impossible to concentrate on any one face or object.

This excerpt relates symptoms of social anxiety as Ryabovich looses his ability to discern the space around him is another indication that he could be having a panic attack. In fact, ''he feels ill at ease'' in a room full of strange faces that must be greeted and talked to.

Furthermore, he is stuck by ''the extraordinary boldness of these unfamiliar people'', referring to his fellow officers' who so effortlessly seem to blend in the space around them. To him, all the small talk and social etiquette are alien and hard to adapt. He feels as if others around him have already rehearsed their parts of the exchange. This inability to embody the 'coolness' of his peers renders his anxiety even more.

Another factor that indicates his stressed state is his passive stance towards everything around him. He does not take part in the dancing, nor does he participate in the billiard game. He is always the bystander, the one who watches but never acts. As he himself says, ''he could never imagine himself in that situation'' (dancing with a woman). This fact hinders his self esteem as he admits that he used to envy his fellow officers for their successes with women. Yet, as the years passed his passivity became a habit and imprinted him with sadness. The theme of being the watcher is numerously repeated within the story and it accurately illustrates the passive state of people with social anxiety. The very thought of acting seems too daring, and so watching becomes the only way of engaging with the act of socializing. In this way, their very presence blurs out and thus, it guarantees that no one will pay any attention to them. This invisibility is the reward, since social anxiety is one and the same with low self-esteem. The more one feels unworthy, the more likely one is to shy away from any social interactions; just like Ryabovich. To make the self as small as it can possible become that is the goal of social anxiety. The self must be eradicated from the masses; otherwise it will be embarrassed.

By emphasizing the interconnection of low self esteem to social anxiety it is natural then that Chekhov's protagonist self-sabotages any opportunities for a happy outcome. As the story goes on, Ryabovich is accidentally kissed by a woman in a dark room of the house. From then on he becomes enamored by fantasies of her and hopes starts rising inside him. He pictures himself as ''an ordinary'' man (or more so normal ), capable of being loved and loving like his peers. The possibility of finally being embraced becomes his obsession and sole source of joy. Yet, by the end of the story he looses any hope of ever finding out who this mysterious woman is. Consequently, his underlying belief of worthlessness is affirmed (by his own beliefs), for he proves to himself that he can never experience what others do. He is just simply undeserving. Thus, all his hopes are dashed away, and he is left with self-loathing just as before the magical brief of intimacy. By the end of the story, the protagonist dazes over the scenery with a deep sense of dread for (his) life.

The water raced past and he did not know where or why (...) To what purpose? And the whole world, the whole of life, struck Ryabovich as a meaningless, futile joke.

This passage shows his resignation to life. He gives up on everything. His own destructive tendencies are illuminated once more in the final passage of the story to which he is informed that his peers have gone to a tea party, and that he is invited too.

'There was a brief flicker of joy in his heart, but snuffed it out at once, lay on his bed and in defiance of fate- as though he wanted to bring its wrath down on his own head- he did not go''. '

Ultimately, he chooses to live the watching part; that is his safe place of being.

*Painting by Edvard Munch, The Lonely Ones

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